Sunday night, I lay in my bed with my face filled with tears. It had been my birthday that day and even though I was able to enjoy it and spend time with God, I was still struggling. I was struggling because I was deeply stressed about the current semester. I’m currently taking eighteen credits, working two jobs, and being involved in a youth ministry. The eagerness that filled my heart previously was slowly fading as I realized the effort and discipline involved in taking on a heavy workload. The morning service that day was on Mattew 14:22:33 where Jesus walks on water. The emphasis of the sermon was how we often, very much like Peter, have faith in Jesus which quickly becomes doubt. It had hit me because the previous two weeks of the semester, I had a seemingly strong and unbreakable faith that God was giving and would continue to give me the strength to diligently do that which was mine to do. But now two weeks in, as the work started to grow and the time started to shrink, my eyes started to wander and I looked at the waves crashing around me and the water underneath my feet. I like Peter took my eyes off Jesus and almost immediately started to sink in stress and thought I was going to drown. As I lay in bed I asked God to remind me to keep my eyes on Him and not to doubt but to stand strong. The next morning as I attended Monday morning Chapel, the speaker spoke of what it means to remain steadfast and trust the Lord even through the toughest of times. She also spoke of what it means to be fed by the Holy Spirit in a continual sense. She mentioned that we aren’t meant to be cars that need to fill our tanks every once in a while, but rather a light rail that is always connected to and always relying on the source from which it receives power. Our relationship with Jesus isn’t meant to be like that of a dentist who takes care of your teeth once every six months when you need it, rather, He’s your toothpaste and toothbrush which should be used continuously and constantly. Strange analogy I recognize, but the point stands.
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” - Matthew 14:28-31
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