Love > Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

“Hit me instead.” My older brother’s voice trembles as he stands between my mother and the crying misery that is me. He tries to look bold, but his shuddering frame gives him away. 

“Move!” Her anger, already worsened by my running, is burning through my soul. My fear and shame alone are bad enough, and now my brother is going to bear my wooden spoon.

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For many years, I understood my faith through the lens of fear. Being a black sheep child led to constant confrontation with household law. Brotherly competition turned quickly into violence, and in turn, a bruised backside. My tongue, however, was my biggest foe. It ran rampant with yelling, lying, and manipulating. It betrayed me constantly to the punishment I deserved. 

Over time, my routine run-ins with justice created in me a deep bondage. I learned that sin was met with punishment, and for a kid whose life was plagued with secret sin, fear became a constant companion. 

Even for years after giving my life over to Jesus, I couldn’t comprehend His love. Not because I doubted His goodness, but because fear was familiar. It was all I had ever known. Sinning or finding more brokenness within brought an instinctual flinch; a gut-wrenching fear of punishment. 

But somewhere along walking with Jesus, He did a work. Failure after failure and sin after sin, I began to realize that the hammer of wrath wasn’t coming. Every time, I was faced not with an angry God, but a smiling Father. It was only then that I realized the punishment I earned had already been acted out, not on me, but on Jesus. 

Illustration by Anna Rendall

God, being Holy and Just, didn’t sweep our sin under the carpet. No… He dealt with it on the cross. Like my big brother standing in the way of just wrath, Jesus bore my sin. And that…out of love. 

God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. Romans 3:25-26